Reminder: read this quote often

I came across this quote in the comments section of an article yesterday and I wrote it down right away. This sentiment rings so true with me. Last year, I drastically downsized and gave away TONS of junk. I felt so free living with fewer possessions. It was glorious. Recently I've been piling them on again, especially on the biggest waste of money ever: clothes. I started a new job a few months ago and have been struggling with feeling like I'm a bit out of my league. To compensate, I've been buying gads of clothes. 

Crazy thing is, even with new threads I still feel out of place. 

Obviously, the new possessions aren't the answer. But, I am buying them to create an impression that won't last on people that I don't really care about. I'm happy to step back and be mindful that buying things is  never the way to create confidence. As cheesy and cliche as it is to say this, confidence really can't be bought. Even if the magazines and TV ads convince us that it can. 

The hearts at Union Square

GAH! How freaking gorgeous is this city? I had a work meeting in San Francisco yesterday afternoon and sacrificed some sleep to take a little jaunt around Union Square before heading home that evening.

I tend to be so future-oriented that I have trouble just soaking in the moment. Yesterday was a moment I nearly missed because I was so wound up from my work meeting. I love seeking out the hearts at the entrance of Union Square, so when I saw the latest iteration I had to take a second to pause and photograph. I think it helped me chill out and stop being such a basket case.

Do you have trouble living in the moment? It's such a huge struggle for me!

Go about the business of being great

I've waffled all week about whether or not to share my struggles in this post below. I've decided that honest is the only way I know how to be with my writing and have made a commitment to sharing my truth in this space.I believe that one thing that ties us all together is the commonality of our struggles and fears; my hope is that by sharing my own I will inspire and encourage others to persevere against theirs as well.

Here goes...

This Monday I had what many would consider a routine medical check-up, but I was just a ball of nerves. I knew that the technician would be taking my weight, blood pressure and the like. The thought filled me with dread. For the past year and a half, I have been packing on weight. I knew this, but I was scared to hear the numbers nevertheless. I can't remember a doctor's visit in my life that hasn't left me defeated and in tears because of the numbers on the scale.

I can't remember a single one.

As predicted, the news wasn't good. Ever since, I've been in such a low, sad place. It's hard to describe that feeling of being completely worthless and unworthy. All I can say is that my inability to control my weight leaves me feeling hopeless and like a failure in every facet of my life. Every facet.

I don't want to go too deep into the details; they're hard for me to think on. What I want to remember is the fact that I was able to once again pull myself up and gather my strength to continue my journey.

Tonight I had this incredible moment of clarity in which I realized just how much I want to discover and develop my creative talents. I want to share my writing, my story, my photography with the world. I think I have something beautiful to tell, something gorgeous waiting to be grown inside of me and communicated to an audience.

To get to that space, I cannot be trapped in the one I'm currently in.

This obsession about my outer looks that have no bearing on what I am inside. I made a decision: I am willing to give one hour of my day to exercise and at least two meals every day to balanced nutrition. I will give my health that gift and I will let my weight fall where it may. I refuse to give the best parts of my mind to this struggle any more.

After all, I need and I must go about the business of being great. Life is too beautiful not to give it my best effort.

Thoughts on home

I don't think I remember what it feels like to look around me and think, "it feels so good to be home, here in this moment, exactly where I belong". I couldn't wait to break away from my tiny hometown  and then, at my first opportunity, I did just that. I've been bouncing around for the last ten years, always ignoring that ants-in-my-pants feeling beckoning me to pick up and move again in search of home. 

I do have one place, though, where I just need to live. Whenever I visit, I imagine living there. I wonder if I could hack it, think about what it'd be like to shop for groceries there and hop on the BART at that stop.That place is the Oakland/Berkeley area. I was fortunate to visit Sunday and grab lunch at Jupiter Cafe and pop into a coffee shop for an iced mocha before heading home. 

I snapped a photo of the poetry board while in line for the bathroom at the coffee shop and I just couldn't help but feel like "this is my home, this is where I belong" even though I live about a hundred miles away right now. A hundred miles is nothing at this point. 

What is home to you?

If I were a hipster

The poor hipsters get a bad rap these days, but I just love their easy style. I've been smitten by oversized, dorky, tortoise-shell glasses for a hot minute and I finally bit the proverbial bullet and ordered my first pair online recently.

I can't wait to look back on pictures of myself in these things in a decade and wonder what the eff  I was thinking.

Thing is, I really do not know how to dress myself. I insist on buying everything at 80% off. As such, I'm at the mercy of the clearance rack. I'm constantly a season behind schedule and picking through everything the stylish girls left behind.

If I could shun my cheap ways and somehow find a bigger pocketbook, I'd totally cop these outfits:

1. Cutest scarf and top knot, right? 2. Again with the top knots + glasses! 3. HIPSTER, HIPSTER, HIPSTER! 4. I think the dog rocks the hipster glasses better than I do. 

Would you rock the hipster trend?