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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Go about the business of being great

I've waffled all week about whether or not to share my struggles in this post below. I've decided that honest is the only way I know how to be with my writing and have made a commitment to sharing my truth in this space.I believe that one thing that ties us all together is the commonality of our struggles and fears; my hope is that by sharing my own I will inspire and encourage others to persevere against theirs as well.

Here goes...

This Monday I had what many would consider a routine medical check-up, but I was just a ball of nerves. I knew that the technician would be taking my weight, blood pressure and the like. The thought filled me with dread. For the past year and a half, I have been packing on weight. I knew this, but I was scared to hear the numbers nevertheless. I can't remember a doctor's visit in my life that hasn't left me defeated and in tears because of the numbers on the scale.

I can't remember a single one.

As predicted, the news wasn't good. Ever since, I've been in such a low, sad place. It's hard to describe that feeling of being completely worthless and unworthy. All I can say is that my inability to control my weight leaves me feeling hopeless and like a failure in every facet of my life. Every facet.

I don't want to go too deep into the details; they're hard for me to think on. What I want to remember is the fact that I was able to once again pull myself up and gather my strength to continue my journey.

Tonight I had this incredible moment of clarity in which I realized just how much I want to discover and develop my creative talents. I want to share my writing, my story, my photography with the world. I think I have something beautiful to tell, something gorgeous waiting to be grown inside of me and communicated to an audience.

To get to that space, I cannot be trapped in the one I'm currently in.

This obsession about my outer looks that have no bearing on what I am inside. I made a decision: I am willing to give one hour of my day to exercise and at least two meals every day to balanced nutrition. I will give my health that gift and I will let my weight fall where it may. I refuse to give the best parts of my mind to this struggle any more.

After all, I need and I must go about the business of being great. Life is too beautiful not to give it my best effort.

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