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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Things are looking up

Today my arms are open, willing to accept the blessings I deserve. Today, I know I can accomplish whatever I dream and I have a strong dose of hope to power me through. Today, I feel like the dark cloud I've been living under lately has finally lifted.

In the span of two days, I've shared my goal of pursuing my writing with my two sisters. Surprisingly, they supported and encouraged me. That's not to say that they are typically discouraging, but I have a history of constantly moving onward to the NEXT BIG THING and I thought they would try to ground me from this new adventure. Instead, they believed in me and wished me the best.

I'm still surprised at this recent turn of events, because just a few weeks ago I thought I had everything figured out.

I had applied to a master's in English program and planned to pursue a degree in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages. My acceptance letter followed and I eagerly anticipated my Financial Aid package. When it arrived, it didn't take many calculations to realize that I just can't make it work financially right now.

Crushed. I felt a dark wave of disappointment and depression wash over me in an instant.

But, that deflated dream made me look deeply at my reasons for going back to school:

  • I'm unhappy at my current job
  • I needed a "backup" plan so that I could pursue my dream of writing
I had an epiphany: why spend almost three years pursuing a back-up plan when I could put all of that schooling energy into my career-change?


I truly believe that we are the product of our thoughts. Just a few days ago, my thoughts were negative...along the lines of "you'll be at this job until you die" and "you mess up and quit everything you try" and "you have no idea where you're going". As a result of this negativity internally, I was an emotional mess. I was crying and blabbering all over the place because I just didn't have hope and I didn't believe in myself. 

Today, I know that if I put the effort into my writing career and accept the financial implications of changing jobs...I can make it work. 

I can do it. This is achievable. I am already perfect and I can do anything I set my mind to. 

Let's rock it. 

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